Announcements

I can't stop watching pregnancy announcements on YouTube.

My favorites are the videos where families are led to believe that they are posing for a picture but the video feature of the camera is on.  The person behind the camera says, "Okay, one-two-three...everyone say...Erica is pregnant!"  Then we all see the frozen smiles turn into shock, turn into joy, and then the group falls apart into hugging and congratulations.

I am not pregnant now.  Nor will I be again.  But they make me think of finding out about my babies.

With Sam: it was Sunday, June 12, 2005.  I was watching Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and playing solitaire.  Eric was sleeping, as he worked overnights, and was two days away from taking his RN licensure testing.  I wasn't late but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was pregnant.  I drove to Walgreens, convincing myself I was being ridiculous and wasting money.  I promised myself that IF I was pregnant I wouldn't tell Eric - he had enough pressure as it was trying to pass his RN exam.

I bought and took the test. One line meant no baby.  Two lines meant a baby.  I watched two lines develop.  I felt like I was going to faint and focused my eyes on the blank white wall in the bathroom to make sure I wasn't seeing things.  I looked back to the test and saw two bold lines.

I ran into our room where Eric was sleeping.  I bounced on the bed and called his name until he said, "Is there something you want to tell me?"

I felt like I was out of my body as I said, "I felt like I should take a pregnancy test.  So I did.  It was positive."

Eric said, "So you're going to be a momma?" and fell back asleep.

Sorry, Sam.  That's the truth.

I called my sister.  She couldn't have been happier.  I called my mom.  She was quite blase.  I called my dad.  He was ecstatic.  I went back downstairs and wondered how in the world I would just finish watching my movie and playing cards now that my entire life had changed.  (My mom called me six more times that day and her hysteria more than made up for her initial reaction.)

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With Matilda: it was late April 2008.  Eric and I went through an awful time when Sam was two.  Eric was not living with me when I had a sudden bout of nauseousness.  I ignored it until I felt again the next day.  I thought to myself, "How weird.  I haven't felt nauseous since..."

I went numb.  I drove to Walgreens.  I bought the test.  I saw the two lines.  I stared at the wall in my living room for two hours and wondered what God was trying to do.  Two days later I told Eric I was pregnant.  We stared at each other in helplessness.  He left.

Sorry, Til.  That's the truth.

A week later I told my sister.  She couldn't have been happier.  "This baby is going to save us all," she said.

I told my mom.  She was thrilled.

I told my dad.  He was ecstatic.

Then the fight to take care of our babies kicked in.  I told Eric I would be moving closer to my sister.  He said he'd go wherever his babies went.  We found a house we both loved.  We packed, cried, panicked, loved, and fought our way through that summer.  We ended up in our house in September.  In December Matilda was born.  We have been fighting our way through ever since.

We didn't have the big announcements.  We didn't have the family gatherings.  But my babies - my Samuel and Matilda - were wanted, were loved, and have a purpose.  
 

Cutest Kids Ever

I am the worst mother when it comes to taking pictures of my kids.  I never have a camera and never think to make an appointment for a studio.  I took Sam in at 3 months and 8 months and then gave up.  Luckily, my dad has taken a lot of great pictures of my kids.

When Sam was two, he and I went to Colorado to visit my mom and Doug.  My mom made a photo appointment and paid all the fees and we ended up with some darling pictures of my boy.  They were so cute, in fact, that we ended up completely losing our minds and ordering WAY too many different poses.

Last week the kids and I went to Colorado for Thanksgiving.  My mom didn’t even ask this time.  “They have a photo appointment Tuesday at 10.  I’m shopping for coordinated outfits,” her terse text informed me.  I was very happy and grateful and we agreed that this time we would be keeping our cool.  We’d get ONE pose of the two of them together and MAYBE one of Matilda on her own (as she doesn’t have school pictures).

Y’all know where this is going.  We were a mess.  We were already hysterical in the car driving TO the appointment.  Sam and Matilda sat calmly in the backseat as my mom and I dissolved into manic laughing fits.  While the photo shoot was happening we literally clutched at each other every time the camera flashed because we saw how cute the pictures were going to be. 

By the end of our order we wound up ordering seven poses and 108 Christmas cards.  But people, look at these pictures.  Can you blame us?!

Freeze Frame

I have so far been unsuccessful in capturing my daughter's pretty face in a photo.  To illustrate my point, these are the first three pictures of Matilda I found on my phone.

My dear girl views the world in her own way.

 

To be fair, this IS what she looks like 99% of the time.

See her hair?

 

These pictures are why I was SO delighted to open my email yesterday and find this picture from my dad:

Face.  Just her little face.  Skin like porcelain with her hair pushed back.  One thing I noticed right away is how much she looks like Miranda at that age!  I'll have to dig through old pictures and do a side-by-side to compare.  But for now I'm content to just stare at Matilda's pretty face.

Thanks, Dad.

Kindergarten Man

Sam started Kindergarten in September.  He absolutely loves it!  I did have a few surreal moments when I was walking behind him on the way to school where I thought I might cry.  Hood up, loose-fit jeans, backpack, hands shoved in his pockets…he is very much a little man.  Thankfully he is still more than happy to rush out of the school and into my arms when I pick him up in the afternoons. 

Mrs. Hince, his wonderful teacher, has repeatedly referred to Sam as “SO sweet.”  He is friends with everyone in his class.  Mrs. Hince said that several children who have trouble getting along with others have “attached themselves” to Sam as he is so patient and gentle.  She said she’s heard him more than once try to diffuse an argument by saying, “You guys, let’s find something we ALL want to play!”  Sam is kind to his core.  I think it’s my favorite thing about him. 

He’s doing well academically, too. By the end of the year, all Kindergarteners need to be able to read 80 sight words.  Sam knows them all now, as well as the sight words for first grade, and most of the sight words for second grade.  He’s a reading machine.  Mrs. Hince did suggest that we expand his library to include more non-fiction books, as they will help his vocabulary, so we are definitely going to work on that. 

We are so incredibly proud of our boy.

Daddy Hunting

The last few posts I wrote about Matilda before going AWOL mentioned her growing vocabulary.  It has been a year and there is really nothing she can't or (unfortunately) won't say.  I honestly don't know where she gets most of it.

This week Matilda and I were at the store.  A rather attractive man came down our aisle toward us.  Matilda looked up at him and said hopefully, "Mom?  Is that Daddy?"

The man chuckled and I laughed nervously.  "Matilda!  You know that isn't Dad."

I hustled Matilda out of the aisle as the man watched.  I can't let anything go, so I poked my head back around and said, "She has a father. I have not told her to say that to strange men."

Matilda appeared again by my knees. "Yeah," she added sadly. "My NEW daddy is at home."

The little stinker won again.  I had to slink away from the no-longer-amused stranger and continue my shopping in shame.

I Miss Your Blog. Will You Come Back?

I opened Facebook today and found that lovely comment posted on my wall. Simple and direct, it made my day.

 

 

I feel it deserves a simple and direct answer: yes. Yes, I will come back.

 

 

Thanks, Kristi. I desperately wish I had an old picture of us to scan to commemorate this occasion (Too Hot To Handle comes to mind) but I destroyed all of my old pictures in one of my post-Hoarders-marathon cleaning fits.

  

Have patience with me as I get back into the swing of things here.

A Christmas Miracle

After Matilda was born, Lance and Gina were two of our first visitors at home. I selfishly slept through their visit - I was fiercely protective of my rest, knowing full well the insanity that comes from lack of sleep with a newborn.

They are dear, darling people, and never said a word about my rudeness. They just dropped off a huge homecooked meal and a taggie blanket for Matilda. Their friend, Katie, makes baby gifts by hand and I had admired her work when their daughter was born. They remembered and gave us a piece of our own.

It is a little blanket - 12 inches by 12 inches, with a bold animal pattern on the front and hot pink fleece on the back. Each side has strips of multi-colored ribbon for a baby to play with. I thought it was darling and put it with Matilda every chance I got. My persistence paid off when Matilda developed a major attachment to it. It was dubbed "Blanks" and I knew I'd need a backup. Gina came through again and was able to get an almost identical blanket from Katie. The animal print is the same but it is backed with bright blue fleece. Matilda instantly loved it and happily used them interchangeably. Now, one will do in a pinch, but Matilda really wants both of them with her all the time.

This morning the kids and I went to Target. Matilda left both her Blanks in the car and the kids and I did our shopping. While we were in the store some winter weather came through. There was whipping, brutal wind combined with snow and sleet. I fought my way back to my car, pushing Matilda in the cart and dragging Sam next to me, and stopped short when I saw a Blanks on the ground about five feet from my car.

I dashed to it, certain it was about to blow away, and found it partially frozen to the ground. "Ohhh...Blanks!" Matilda said. I clutched it in my hand, horrified by how close we had been to losing it. I walked to the car and was shocked to see the other Blanks stuck to my rear tire.

Obviously they had fallen out when we went into the store. How in the world were they not both lost? The wind was so strong I was having trouble steering my cart in the parking lot. They should both be gone - one of them, at least! - but both were rescued and tucked in with Matilda in her carseat. "Blanks wet," she said a bit disdainfully.

Seriously, if anyone out there is looking for baby gifts that are both beautiful and functional, you need to get in touch with Katie. They're not just blankies - they are magic!

Halloween at IBM

2010 marked our third year of trick or treating at IBM - our favorite! It's our entire Halloween celebration.

We have roughly 70 costumes in our house that I've picked up on clearance and at garage sales. Therefore, Sam chose to wear the same costume he wore last year. It just about killed me. Matilda was a very excited puppy.

Thanks, Grandpa Mark!

She Speaks

"Matilda, what kind of cake do you want for your birthday?"

"Num-num."

"Yep, it'll be good. What kind do you want? Elmo? Cat In the Hat?"

"Melmo. Go go go go go."

"Elmo AND Cat In the Hat? Which one do you want?"

"Num-num."

"Yes, but what do you want it to look like?"

"Cake."

Done.

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"Mama! Mama!"

"What?"

"Oh, Mama. Oh, NO. Mama, DOWN."

"What fell?"

"Down, Mama! Down!"

I follow her into her room to find a book on the floor. I put it back in her bookshelf.

"Tain too, Mama. Nice."

I live to please.

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Sam, Eric, and I sat around the dinner table and discussed our Christmas lists. Suddenly:

"No!"

We all looked at Matilda in surprise.

"No! No. Shhhhhh!"

"Wha -" Eric started.

"SHHHHHH!" Matilda hissed, covering her mouth with her finger. Stunned into silence we all stared at her for a moment.

She nodded, satisfied. "Shhhhhh," she said again, and continued eating.

-------------------------------------------

And a few translations:

"Mama, show-show and brush." (Mom, take a shower and do your hair, you filthy creature.)

"No Sam! No shut! Mine! MINE! AAAAAAHHHHH!" (Sam, please open your bedroom door. I left something of mine in there.)

"Milk an' num-num an' fork." (I would like a bowl of cereal.)

"Mama! Towel!" (I have made a huge mess and need this cleaned up.)

"Shhhhhhoooooooopppppiiiiiiiinnnnnnnggggg!" (We just dropped Sam off at school - let's hit the stores!)

"Go. Socks. Shoes. Coat. Go." (Let's get out of this house!)

"Mama brush." (Please put my hair in a ponytail and get it out of my face.)

"Tub-tub. Bubbles. Book. Down." (I'm ready to do our evening routine and go to bed.)

Deesh-deesh - TV
Bubba - friend/loved one
Butt - diaper/bathroom
Eeeeewwww - any of us, at any given time
Bee - Grandma Bay
Papa - all grandparents
Neckdice - jewelry
Pus - puzzle
Song - all music, instruments, radios

I Had No Idea That Heaven...

...was right off the 75th St exit.

Sam had his very first friend-driven playdate today. His life has been one playdate after another but today's was the first one that wasn't my doing. Garrett invited Sam over to play and Sam accepted.

We have been very, very excited about this playdate. We headed out to Garrett's house at 9 this morning. When we turned on to the gravel road leading up to their house, Sam could hardly stand it.

"Oooooooh, Mom...the road is BUMPY!"

"Sam, it's gravel. If you're already this excited you're going to need a nap this afternoon."

I could hardly believe it when I pulled up to the house. It was Wonderland. They had a play structure that is better described as a playground in their yard. There was a dirt pile covered in toy trucks and shovels. The bunny cage stood next to the motor bikes. A pony patiently waited for attention under the treehouse. All of this stood in the middle of a massive, working farm. There were barns, semis, cows, tractors, and ATVs as far as the eye could see.

Garrett dashed out of the house and threw himself under the tires of my car. Sam went inside without even a goodbye. Matilda, devastated that she couldn't stay, was given a short tour by Garrett's mom. ("Matilda, do you want to pet the bunny?" "No." "Matilda, do you want to pet the pony?" "NO!")

Sam spent the whole morning there and I picked him up after lunch. He was a little sad at first but I was able to lure him out to the car with a new book. We said goodbye to Garrett, the dog, and the cat, and we went home.

I begged and pleaded with Sam for ANY information about his day. 50 points to anyone who can guess what he reported.

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Yep. "We had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, AND milk, AND chips, AND A BROWNIE!"

We owe Garrett a playdate. Does anyone know where I can buy a giraffe?

Sam in the combine.

Sam on the pony, Bullseye. This may be my new favorite picture of my dude.