Saying Goodbye - Great-Grandma Inga

These posts will mostly be for me so I have them written down before my memories get blurry. As always, anyone is welcome to read them.

I have been so blessed to have been able to say goodbye to several loved ones before they died. I can't think of any of them without thinking of those last moments I spent with them. I marvel at how, so near death, each of them were stripped down to the core of who they were.

Ruby Slippers

I was 17 when my Great-Grandma Inga died. She is my hero in many ways. She deserves not just her own post, but an entire book based on the strength, love, and resilience that came from her. She had been healthy all her life - right up to her 94th birthday. Then, some medical complications moved her into a nursing home.

It was just a month or so before my high school graduation and I was preparing for my senior prom. My mom had bought me an amazing dress that was head-to-toe red sequins. We had looked all over to find shoes to match that dress. That weekend we were visiting Grandma and stopped at the bridal shop in Red Wing to look - no luck.

I remember sitting in Grandma Inga's room. I was there with my mom (Grandma Inga's granddaughter) and Grandma Joyce (Grandma Inga's daughter). Grandma Inga was confused. At one point she asked whose room we were in. "Mom, we're in your room," Grandma Joyce tried to explain. Several times Grandma Inga drifted off into a light sleep. I was quiet, saddened by seeing my beautiful great-grandma like that.

Then, from out of nowhere, Grandma Inga looked right at me. "Have you found shoes yet?" she asked. Even then I was dumbfounded and it brings tears to my eyes remembering it now. In a moment of clarity she knew exactly who I was. She knew I was Emilie, Barb's daughter and Joyce's granddaughter, and that right then in my life the most important thing in the world was my senior prom. She had five children, 15 grandchildren, 30 great-grandchildren, and 1 great-great grandchild at that time (forgive me if my math is incorrect). But she knew me, and she knew I needed red sequined shoes.

Grandma Inga died soon after that. She never saw the pictures of my prom. Believe it or not, we found red sequined shoes and my mom still has them in storage. Sometimes I like to imagine putting them on and clicking the heels together three times. Grandma Inga would have got a kick out of that.

We Can't Win

This is for each and every one of my dear friends who dislike bringing their kids to day care.

One of my favorite friends in Rochester is Laura. She and I are on the Personnel Committee together at Aldrich. Her kids are six and four (Brooklyn will be in Sam's class this year) and she does in-home daycare. If I ever needed a daycare provider Laura is exactly who I would choose.

This morning the kids and I were invited over to Laura's house for a playdate. She was 'only' expecting two kids in addition to her own. Sam was beside himself with excitement. We had never been to Laura's house to play but we once stopped by so I could drop something off. Her garage has two doors and Sam couldn't be more impressed by it. He has asked several times when we were going to go play at the house with two garage doors. He thinks that means it's Disneyland. "Mom," Sam said as we drove over this morning. "I bet she has rooms full of toys."

I bet she does, too, but we never even went inside. Laura had her kids out on her driveway and her neighbor, who also does daycare, was over. There were fourteen kids there, ages one to seven. Sam and Matilda were in heaven. Sam rode bikes and a scooter. He played baseball and basketball. Matilda played in a little house and got to carry around several different balls. She rode a little bike and sat in a lawn chair. They were both so happy. I saw them sharing and laughing with other kids. In just a few hours they both were able to try several new things. They made friends and listened to Laura when she warned them about getting too close to the road.

I felt terribly guilty when I packed them in the car and brought them home. All of those kids at Laura's were spending the day together learning and playing. Sam and Matilda were home. With me. Again.

Ugh. Most of the time I feel good about my choice to be a stay at home mom but today I'm not sure it was the best choice for my kids.

Volunteers Are Hot

Ever since Eric got his nursing degree he's been dying to do volunteer work. He is always looking at things like Doctors Without Borders and every time a natural disaster hits I can tell that it drives him nuts not being able to go.

He recently applied and got accepted to do volunteer work for the Rochester Salvation Army. They have a variety of medical and dental clinics provided for Rochester's uninsured. Eric will be doing intake, assisting with education, and providing care during a minimum of two shifts a month.

Last night was his orientation and he came home completely inspired. He said he was very impressed with their building and the wide variety of services they offer. The best part (for him)? They are working on forming a Rochester disaster relief team. I do not like the idea of Eric going to a place full of injury and destruction, but I will support him completely if he ever gets the chance to go.

Y'all can keep your musicians, athletes, and actors...I don't think there is anything sexier than a man with a kind heart!

But I Didn't Feel The Earth Stop

Last Thursday I was at Sam's school for conferences. As I waited for my turn with his teacher a woman I casually know walked by. Her name is Amelia, and she is the mother of the other Samuel in Sam's class so we have spoken a few times. She was pregnant - not hugely so, but pretty big. She's one of those annoying people whose entire body shrinks as her belly grows.

Anyway, today as I picked Sam up from school I saw Amelia heading toward me. She was carrying a baby car seat, and my (incredibly stupid) first thought was, "Why is she practicing carrying the baby's car seat?" Then I realized that her belly was now as little as the rest of her and there was a perfect, tiny baby tucked into the seat.

I ooohed and aaahed at new baby Grace and congratulated Amelia. I hope I didn't look as shocked as I felt. I was absolutely blown away by this woman. Four days ago she was pregnant. Today she has a new daughter and is picking her son up at school like normal.

When it's happening to you, pregnancy and childbirth is the most important thing in the world. There is a feeling of you being the only person who has ever carried and delivered a child. It's almost too big for words. On the other hand, it's funny to think how something that amazing is simply just another event in the world. Since I started typing this, how many babies have been born? Women have been having babies since the beginning of time. It is just as routine as it is incredible. The Earth keeps spinning, just as it always has, and there's a level of peace that comes with remembering that. Each moment is just as amazing and mundane as the last - even having babies.

(Seriously, though, I'm going to find out what that woman does for exercise. She looked better a couple days after having her baby than I did at my wedding.)

The Engagement

The summer of 2003 Eric and I knew we were getting married. We had talked about the wedding and had started planning the reception. The engagement just wasn’t official.

On Saturday, July 29, we were going to tour a reception location. It was early in the morning and Eric started telling me all the things he loved about me. I thought we were having a conversation and kept interrupting him and changing the subject. As he kept going back to the ‘loving me’ bit of it I started to realize he might be going somewhere and shut up.

Then, from seemingly out of nowhere, he suddenly had a box in his hand. It was opened to show a gorgeous diamond ring. “Will you be my wife?” he said.

I said yes and put on the ring. “You can’t go look at a reception site without a ring,” he said. “Oh, and you don’t have to work on Monday.”

“What?” I said.

But he had gone to sleep. Eric is good at grand gestures but literally passes out after them. I wish I was kidding.

I called my mom and my sister, who were thrilled. I read Little House on the Prairie until Eric regained consciousness. We went to look at the reception location (we booked it) and then Eric suggested we go shopping. We shopped for ages and I kept asking to go back to his apartment. “What about shoes?” Eric said. “You need new running shoes.”

That’s when I finally picked up on the fact that he was keeping me away from his house for a reason. I started badgering him, asking what was going on, but he wouldn’t budge. Finally, at 3:00, we went back to his apartment.

We walked in – SURPRISE! – to a huge engagement party! Almost all of our family and friends were there. Jackie (the big liar had just feigned surprise earlier that morning) and Mike, Wally and Susan, Kourtney and Ally and Megan and Amy and Tom and Dan and Cathy and Bret and Colleen and Dusty…it felt like an episode of This Is Your Life.

Then the phone calls started. Everyone who lived too far away or couldn’t come called my phone to congratulate me. Absolutely everyone knew that this was happening except for me! The best phone call came from my friend Ben, who lives in North Dakota. He went through all of the same congratulations and then said, “Now push the damn buzzer so I can get in there and give you a hug.” He had driven most of the day to be there!

A few hours into the party Kourtney, Ally, and Megan left to get ice. There aren’t words to describe the shock I felt when they came back. They didn’t have ice – they had my best friend Jen, who Eric had flown in from Denver for the weekend. That’s when Eric explained that as Jen’s flight didn’t leave until late Monday night, he had already called my boss (!) and arranged for me to have Monday off to spend with her.

The rest of that night was legen – wait for it – dary. Perhaps when my children are over 21 I will tell them about it. I will say that Eric’s sister Amy kept us entertained for hours by doing The Worm (the next day, when we told her, she was horrified. “But I don’t know how to do The Worm!”) and that night Jackie, Mike, Josh, and Jen shared a blow-up mattress the size of a coffee table. We can still bring up that night and laugh until we cry.

The whole weekend couldn’t have been any more perfect. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt more loved than I did on July 29, 2003. And THAT, my friends, is why I said yes.

If We Don't Talk About It, It Isn't There

Ah, Minnesota. You're full of stoic, passive-aggressive Norwegians and I'm proud to say I'm one of them. I'm fourth-generation off the boat so it is less apparent in me. 90% of the time I'm straight forward but sometimes...

Last week our microwave started beeping. The beep was like a flutter and I couldn't get it to stop. I finally unplugged it. Later that night I plugged it back in to use it and I couldn't get it to work. It would turn on before I could enter a second number, so I was stuck reheating something for 90 seconds in 9-second increments. Eric tried his hand at it and got it going for a bit but it didn't seem to be heating up. I unplugged it again and warmed dinner in a saucepan.

We didn't speak through any of it. No mention of the cost of a new microwave. No worrying about having a new one installed. We simply pretended it wasn't happening. A few days later, it was still sitting there, dark. I am fourth generation, so I thought I'd bring it up. "Do you realize we haven't talked about the microwave?" I asked Eric.

We both laughed. "We're pretending it isn't happening!" I continued.

The best part of that is somehow one of us changed the subject and we didn't talk about it. The next night I pointed out that we still hadn't talked about it and again we shoved it back in our minds and didn't talk about it. Yesterday the microwave started working again.

My ancestors knew what they were doing.

Sony, How I Love Thee

I was 12 when the world really started moving from cassettes to CDs. I had my cassette player and was amazed by how awesome CDs were. You could skip directly to the song you wanted!

One Saturday morning my dad and I went to Best Buy. We started looking at the CD player/stereos. I ooohed and ahhed over them - some had remotes! I really loved a bookcase stereo that had separate speakers. I thought it was amazing. There was also one that was more like a boombox - one compact piece with a carrying handle (who put 23 D batteries in those things and carried them anywhere?).

My dad asked me which one I liked better and I said I liked both of them. He said, "If you were going to pick one to buy right now, which one would you pick?"

I started to get a little excited then, wondering if I was going to get one. It would have been unprecedented - a HUGE gift and no where near Christmas or my birthday. I really wanted the bookcase stereo, which was something like $99.99. The boombox was less, around $79.99. I didn't want to appear greedy so I said I'd pick the boombox.

Without another word, my dad reached to the bottom shelf and picked up a box containing the boombox. He started toward the registers as I screamed and ran to catch up, hardly able to contain my excitement. I can still see his back in my mind as I ran after him. I can see his black coat and the edges of the box showing on either side of him. It was a REALLY GOOD DAY, y'all.

The point of this story is that there is no way my dad and I could have imagined the life of that stereo when he bought it. I used it all through highschool and it went to college with me. It was my stereo in Colorado and the one I used to choose the song Eric and I wanted at our wedding. And right now, today, it is in Sam's room. Whenever he is in there playing he is listening to music. The last thing I do for him at bedtime is put in a CD and press play.

If you've done the math you've realized that my dad's $79.99 has been keeping me entertained for 18 years and it keeps on kicking. Every once in a while it won't play a CD or will take a moment to get going and I wonder if that is the day it finally quits working. But so far, so good. As I write this, Sam is listening to Disney's Hero Songs as he plays with his turtles.

Thanks, Dad.

In-Between

I never thought I'd feel so out of place at 30 years old. I'm too young to be old and too old to be young (thank you, Fried Green Tomatoes). I can't wear most of what is in junior's departments. I need more than a 1-inch rise on my jeans, thankyouverymuch. I can't buy anything in women's, either. I DO have a waist and it IS somewhere below my armpits.

I love to go out with my friends and have to call a cab to get home. I love to deep-clean our couches and bake bread. I watch Jersey Shore AND I clip coupons. I like to have my hair dyed fun colors - as my natural color is grey.

Eric and I got some money back in taxes and we each took a small part of it for fun money. I used my money for new toilet bowl brushes and plungers for each of our bathrooms (sooo excited) and a Lady Gaga CD (love her!).

P-p-p-plunger face, p-p-plunger face...

The Heat Is On

Yesterday afternoon the kids and I came home to a chilly house. It was freezing yesterday so I didn't think much of it. I checked the thermostat, which was five degrees cooler than where it was set. I assumed the heater was having to work harder to heat the house and ignored it.

As we got the kids ready for bed I again checked the thermostat. Now it was seven degrees cooler than its set temperature. Hmmm. As I put Matilda in her pajamas I felt the vent in her room. It was blowing cool air. I called to Eric and told him what was going on.

I continued with bedtime - brushing teeth, reading books, turning on night lights - as Eric looked at the furnace. He saw the problem and knew he'd need help. As I am admittedly, cheerfully, worthless with those kinds of things he called his dad. Wally was here in less than 20 minutes. I stayed upstairs and listened to the two of them bumble around down there. There was a fair amount of cursing and Wally made fun of Eric's tools every chance he got.

My mom called and when I mentioned the broken furnace to her she asked, "Does your fireplace still work?" Duh! I hadn't even thought of that. I started planning our night. With the fireplace on, we could all sleep in the living room and stay really warm. We'd move Matilda's crib out...Sam could sleep on the loveseat...Eric and I would share the hide-a-bed. I'd make cinnamon rolls and muffins in the morning to get extra heat from the oven.

The sound of laughing and high-fiving brought me out of my little daydream. I smelled the heat before I felt it - they'd fixed it! Wally stayed for a few more minutes so they could congratulate each other and then he headed home. Eric and I made chocolate milkshakes to celebrate having heat.

Happiness is having a father-in-law like Wally...and realizing that with or without a working furnace, our little family would have been happy and warm.

What Goes Around

I am a firm believer in karma. It's been proven over and over to me that the world gives back what it receives. Negativity breeds negativity; positivity breeds positivity. All a person has to do to be endlessly blessed is 1. bless other lives and 2. give true thanks to God for each blessing. I am always surprised by how very literal the world can be when returning karma.

About a month ago, during one of the really bad snowstorms, Eric and I were outside shoveling after the kids were in bed. We watched a car creep by our house - going uphill - and weren't surprised when it just stopped and sat there with its tires spinning. I had to talk Eric into trudging up the hill to help. We struggled up the sidewalk, carrying our shovels, hoping to be able to help. That man ended up getting out by himself - by actually sliding down the hill on purpose - but I think we got some cosmic points for trying.

A few weeks ago I saw a truck slide down the hill and get stuck right in front of my driveway. Again, the tires were spinning but nothing was happening. I threw on my coat and went outside. I offered to help but the woman said she'd already called a tow truck. I asked her several times to come in and wait in my house but she declined. After the tow truck arrived and started to hook up her truck she (very kindly) came to our door to thank me.

When I left this afternoon to pick Sam up from school I backed down the driveway and got myself stuck in a huge snow pile. It was so stupid - I still can't believe it happened. I tried going forward and backward. I got out a shovel and tried digging out. I called Aldrich and told them I was stuck and didn't know how late I'd be getting Sam. I imagined him sitting in the office, all of his friends gone, wondering where I was.

As I got off the phone a car flew down the hill in front of me. I didn't pay any attention until I saw it go into reverse and shoot back up toward me. A cheerful man called, "Are you stuck?"

"This is so stupid!" I called back.

The random man - who I'd never seen before - hopped out of his car and put on his gloves. He took the shovel from me and started hacking away at the entire snow pile. "You won't be able to go forward," he explained. "I'll clear this out so you can try to roll back." I stood there stupidly as he moved an entire four-foot-high pile of snow. Finally he stopped and I was able to get out. He cheerfully waved goodbye and left. I made it to Aldrich with time to spare.

I honestly would have never gotten out by myself. I would have needed Eric to come help me while poor little Sam waited. Instead the happiest Good Samaritan I've ever met showed up and saved the day. I am so grateful.

1. Bless the lives of others.
2. Give thanks for every blessing.

Black Friday

This is not timely and only slightly topical but this is my blog and I can do what I want.

A few years ago Jackie and I were really on the ball with our Christmas lists. We decided to go in on all of our presents together. We carefully planned and budgeted and knew exactly what we were looking for. That Thanksgiving we flipped through the Black Friday ads and were excited to find several items on our list. We hadn't done Black Friday shopping before but these deals were just too good to pass up.

At 4:30 am the next day we were standing in a line of people in the Herberger's parking lot. The people around us were cheerful and employees were going down the line handing out maps for the big deals. Jackie and I split up our list. When the doors opened, she was to go left to the comforters. I was to go right and up the escalators for a digital picture frame.

Finally - it was time. We didn't even look at each other as we split up. I joined a pack of people going up the escalator and pushed my way to the table with the digital frames. I couldn't believe it when I saw the table was empty after the store having been open for 35 seconds. I was jostled to the side and saw there was ONE last frame hidden behind the sign on the table. I threw myself sideways, landing on my side on the table, and grabbed the box the very second before two other women snatched at it. I heard both of them say something very un-Christmas like as I clutched the box to my chest and pushed back toward the escalators.

Looking down on the store I saw a huge mass of people surrounding the largest pile of boxes I've ever seen. There were hundreds of boxes, covering an entire section of the store, piled seven or eight high. The boxes were full of comforters of all colors and sizes. People were climbing over each other, trying in the confusion to find the one they were looking for.

I wormed my way through racks and got as close to the pile as I could. I spotted Jackie. She had been one of the first people to the comforters and now she was stuck. She was pressed up against the boxes with both arms up. Her head was turned to the side and our eyes met.

Now, it was chaotic in the store, but it wasn't particularly loud. It wasn't necessary for me to scream at the top of my lungs. I was caught up in the drama and couldn't help myself.

"JAAAAACKIEEEEEE!" I screamed with my head tipped back. People around me jumped and one woman fell into the boxes. Jackie burst out laughing and I saw her knees start to buckle under her. The only thing keeping her upright was the force of the crowd behind her pinning her to the boxes.

"NO!" I screamed, pointing at her. "No, there is NO TIME! Do you want me to come in??"

Laughing so hard she could hardly speak Jackie said to the woman next to her, "I can't stop laughing but my sister says there is no time!"

Eventually one little midwestern woman in the crowd had had enough. She CLIMBED to the top of the pile and began pulling out comforters. She read the colors and sizes like a quarterback before then blindly throwing them back over her head. "Navy blue...king!" she'd shout and it would come soaring down. "Lavender...twin!" People alternately ducked or dove for it. (I desperately want to find that woman and make her my best friend.)

Jackie finally got what she wanted but was still pinned to the pile. By this point there was a wall of people behind her about 20 deep. She again turned to the woman next to her. "I'm never getting out," she said.

That woman, all 5 feet and 100 pounds of her, took it upon herself to get Jackie out. She assumed a wide stance, arms out to the sides, and shouldered and shoved a path. I was there when Jackie finally emerged, hair matted to one side and still laughing. She turned to thank the woman but she had already been swallowed back into the crowd. "Godspeed, soldier," I thought to myself.

Jackie and I haven't done Black Friday shopping since. We've blamed it on work or budgets - but deep down I know we're both afraid the next time we won't make it out alive.

Somebody Pinch Me

I'm tired and I have to get up early. I just want to document this for myself.

Right now I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. Up until now college was the best time of my life. I've been happy to have had it but seriously worried that everything was going to be downhill from there. Ugh, and it did go down...and down...and down...

And then I woke up and here I am. I am stupid in love with Eric. No more horrible schedules for us. He is home every night for dinner and with us every weekend. We are having so much fun together. I love being Sam's mom. I love that he is in preschool. Matilda is a delight in every way. They are darling, funny, healthy kids. I've been blessed a million times over by them. I love our house. We are so comfortable and happy here. I love being so close to our families. They are completely crazy - how are they able to have such a calming, centering effect on me?

More than anything I am thankful. Thank you, God, for giving me more love and happiness than any human deserves. I pray I am able to give all of it back to my amazing family and friends.

Bliss.

Eye Of The Beholder

I have gazed at Stonehenge, floated down the canals of Venice and stood at the top of Pike's Peak. I've delivered two healthy babies and got to witness the birth of my nephew. I have stood in awe in front of classic paintings and read works of literature so amazing they brought tears to my eyes. Considering all I have experienced, it's easy to name the most beautiful thing I've ever seen:

a wet pile of potato peels.

When Sam was born and I stopped working I put a lot of pressure on myself to deliver. I knew so many moms who managed full-time jobs in addition to keeping beautiful homes and raising amazing children. I felt like I would have to do so much more in order to feel validated.

In addition I was raised by an incredibly gifted stay-at-home mom. My sister and I had homemade matching Christmas dresses every year. My mom made me dolls that came with their own homemade wardrobes and linens. (One of my dolls had her own little crocheted afghan and quilted sleeping bag.) We did not eat junk food - EVER - and our house was always spotless.

I have tried so hard to attain that level of perfection. I've clumsily sewn pillows and hand puppets. I've spent hours in the kitchen making meals from scratch. I've designed and executed preschool lesson plans for Sam. I have swept, mopped, washed, and scrubbed every inch of our house. None of it works. My sewing is atrocious, we have boxes of Froot Loops and Pop-Tarts in our cupboard, and Sam knows all the words to the theme songs of PBS Kids. Most frustrating of all is that my house is NEVER CLEAN!!

Last spring my mom flew in for the weekend to stay with the kids so Eric and I could go to the cabin. She laughed when I showed her the 12 pages of instructions I was leaving with her, complete with a map showing the fastest route to the hospital (my mom lived here for 18 years). I spent the whole weekend worrying about what she'd find when she'd inevitably clean under the refrigerator or reorganize my Christmas decorations.

When we got home the house was pretty quiet. Sam was watching TV. His clothes didn't match, his hair was standing up on one side, and his face was dirty. Upstairs I found toys all over the living room. Mom walked out of Matilda's room, where she had just put her down for a nap. Mom looked a little rough. Her hair looked like Sam's and her eyes were spinning independently of each other. She was already packed to leave. She spent just a few minutes answering my questions about the weekend and she left. She got pulled over for speeding on her way to Red Wing - that's how badly she needed to get out of my house.

I walked through the house, picking up toys and throwing in a load of laundry. As I started to clean the kitchen I saw it: the bottom of the sink covered in potato peels. At some point Mom had peeled potatoes and NOT CLEANED THEM UP. My mom! She had made a mess, and being so busy with the kids, had had to leave it. I can't stress enough how shocking that was to me.

That pile of potato peels was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It was validation for everything I've managed to do in the last 3+ years and an invitation to cut myself some slack. I am not perfect but I can confidently say that I am a really, really good mom. It just took some garbage to make me realize it.

Thanks, Mom.

A Second Look

My morning, as it happened:

I woke up an hour later than I had planned. I ran around like a crazy person, getting all of us ready, so Sam could be to school on time. I try to get in and out of there so I can get Matilda home for a nap so I can have some time alone.

I dropped Sam off at his room and went back to the car. I got Matilda buckled in, put the key in the ignition, and - nothing. I tried over and over and the car would not start. I called Eric at work. Matilda and I got out, as being in her carseat makes her mad, and waited on the front lawn of the school. Eric arrived and had to wait several minutes for a space next to my car to open up. Finally he got his car next to mine and got the jumper cables hooked up. I continued jiggling Matilda on my hip, transferring the carseats into Eric's car, as other parents walked by us staring. Even after being hooked up to Eric's car mine would not start. Unfortunately, I am no stranger to Rochester Towing, so I had their number in my phone. I called them and arranged for them to pick up my car as Matilda and I brought Eric to work.

We dropped him off and we came back to our house. It was now an hour past Matilda's naptime and she was mad. She didn't calm down and fall asleep until 10:45. At 11:10 I had to wake her up to go pick up Sam. We got Sam and drove back out to Eric's work. As he drove us home he got a call from the shop. They are putting in a new ignition switch this afternoon. Eric dropped us off and is planning to leave work a little early to come get us so we can all go pick up the car.

My morning, as I am choosing to see it:

Sometimes the kids wake me up, but those nights happen very rarely. In fact, my kids are such great sleepers, I was able to sleep in this morning! Even with sleeping in I was able to get the kids out the door in time for Sam to make it to school. The car didn't start when I tried to leave but thank goodness it didn't happen when we were at home. It would have broken Sam's heart to miss school.

Thankfully Eric has a job with a fair amount of flexibility. He was there to help me in less than 10 minutes. I was lucky to already have Rochester Towing's number in my phone. It couldn't have been easier to call them up and arrange for a tow.

Matilda's 20-minute nap did a surprising job of reviving her for a bit. We picked up Sam, whose school day hadn't been interrupted in the least, and found he had had another wonderful time. We drove to Eric's work. Sam got a cookie and we were able to sit and chat with his co-worker for several minutes. Eric was free to bring us home and on the way we got a call from the shop. Not only had they already diagnosed the problem, the car will be fixed tonight! Eric is able to shuffle his afternoon to be able to get home in time to pick up the car tonight.

The best part? Matilda's short morning nap is ensuring a great afternoon nap AND an early bedtime, followed by what will be another full night of sleep for all of us.

We are so very blessed!

Unexpected Bonus

For several years I thought I was lazy. It turns out it's just really hard to do anything with a kid hanging off of me.

I dropped Sam off at school, came home, and put Matilda down for a nap. In the next child-free 90 minutes I was able to:

1. contact a doctor's office and arrange to have insurance claims resubmitted
2. talk with our new insurance provider and coordinate between them, our Rx provider, and our pharmacy, to have Eric's Rx correctly filled/filed
3. reserve a space for Matilda's birthday party
4. enroll Sam in swimming lessons
5. schedule Matilda's next doctor appointment
6. watch the first half of last night's premiere of America's Next Top Model

I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself and wondering WHY I didn't put Sam in the three-day program!

A Request

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,

Young or old alike.

Today may be the last chance you get

To hold your loved one tight.

Take five minutes today to call your parents, kids, siblings, and friends...tell them you love them, and tell them why.

Goodbye, AC!

Ah, September. I’ve been looking forward to you for 11 months.

It’s the greatest time of the year! It’s new clothes, new bookbags, new teachers, new friends. It’s sunshine and cool evenings, football games and changing leaves. Plus there’s the anticipation of the next three months: Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas!

Our summer is over. Summer is my least favorite time of the year but I actually consider 2009 to have been a good one. Matilda went from being a baby to a near-toddler. She loved sitting in the grass and falling asleep during long walks. Sam, of course, lived in a permanent state of gaiety. He spent so much time with his grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. He stayed at a hotel without his mom or dad. He wiped out on his tricycle twice and lived to tell the tale. He was trusted to be outside while Eric mowed. He became fearless on jungle gyms and, for a very short time, was the owner of a tiny frog.

I had another summer with my kids and we played, learned, and grew. I can’t wait to see what autumn will bring.

Death By Pureed Peas

Seriously. Come on.

I was afraid of doing everything wrong with Sam so I never made his baby food. I don't know why I thought a for-profit company making a million batches a day would do any better - but still.

Matilda is going into food slowly. The other day I decided to make her some peas. I don't have a steamer so I decided to just boil and puree them. Again, I'm not sure if that is right, but I can't imagine how it would hurt if I was wrong.

I got out my food processor and boiled the peas. When they were done I drained them into the sink. Somehow, as I poured the boiling water, I managed to pour it directly on my left hand. Holy cow did that hurt. It caused immediate swelling and blistering.

Cursing under my breath, I held my burning left hand in the air as I tried to pour the peas into the food processor. As I started I noticed a crumb of something in the bottom. I picked up the container to shake out the crumb, not knowing that the blades weren't attached. The blades fell out and I reflexively tried to catch them with my left hand. I couldn't curl my fingers but I managed to catch the blade between the side of my hand and my body. I managed to cut my hand pretty badly.

I honestly couldn't use my hand for a few days. Store-bought baby food, here I come!

Truly Happy

One would think I could come up with a more clever way to describe the peace and sense of completeness I feel when I'm around my friends from college. However, every time I am with them I catch myself thinking, "This is how it feels to be truly happy."

My friends are brilliant, hilarious, giving people. I have been blessed by them a million times over. We are in four different states but I think we do a fair job of seeing each other. It is not nearly enough, of course, but they've never stopped making me feel like I was a high priority to them.

We've gone on to advanced degrees, travel, marriages, parenthood, and a few impressively successful careers. It's a far cry from spending every waking (and sleeping) moment together like we did at Waldorf. But somehow we've managed to grow closer instead of further apart.

I love them. I miss them. I am thankful every day for their friendship.

Our group shots require a bit more effort these days. I see that Tali, ever the organizer, is the one asking Sam to join the group. Meanwhile, Beckett is wielding a toy pulled off of Matilda's exersaucer.

L-R: Emilie and Matilda, Tali and Beckett, Ben, Amy and Nolan, Joy, and Sam

I wish someone had told me to sit on the other arm of the chair, and that Sam had been in the shot and cooperating, but otherwise I love this picture. Look at those faces! Truly happy.

Angels Among Us

After college I floundered for a while. I was fine – but that was it. Fine. I wasn’t pushing myself or growing in any way. There was nothing in my life that I was truly passionate about. I ended up working at a day care about a year after graduating. I was hired to start the same week as another woman, Sharon.

Sharon intimidated the heck out of me. She was in her mid-fifties and seemed so hard. She was fairly serious and kept to herself. We were both shuffled around the center for a while until we were finally assigned a room together. Sharon and I were scheduled together all day, every day. She was never, ever rude or mean to me but she was very different from my 22-year-old self. However it’s impossible to work with someone all day without some small talk. Slowly Sharon and I got to know each other.

We eventually fell in love with each other. I can’t think of any other way to describe it. We talked about absolutely everything. I knew every wonderful, disgusting, personal thing about her and I shared just as much with her. She was unbelievably supportive. Like I said, I was floundering. She reminded me every day that I was able to decide my own fate. She made me believe I was worth more than what I had. In addition, she was hilarious. Not many people can make me laugh until I cry and get so weak I can hardly stand. Sharon did it every day.

I’d been doing a lot of soul-searching at that time. Eric and I had broken up three years earlier. The break-up was ugly (what break-up isn’t?) but we had always stayed in touch as friends. It took me three years but I finally realized that Eric really was the one for me. I, of course, told all of this to Sharon. I mused aloud that I knew I’d never be able to repair things with Eric – it had all ended too horribly.

Sharon wouldn’t hear any of it. “You love him?” she asked. “Then you tell him. Tell him. He may think you’re crazy and never want to speak with you again. But you will know that you were true to yourself. Life is a gift and living it with any less than complete truth is a waste.” She was adamant about it and I trusted her completely. I ended up talking with Eric, he flew to Denver to see me, and I found he was still just as crazy about me as I was about him. (Sharon, of course, adored him immediately and within 30 seconds of their introduction told him that he was going to marry me.)

Eric and I wanted to be together but the fact was that I lived in Denver and he had recently moved from Seattle back to the Twin Cities. Within a few weeks I was again sighing to Sharon that it just wasn’t going to work. I said that I would consider moving to Minnesota but I didn’t have any money, a job, or a place to live. All things I have always considered to be rather important.

Sharon was disgusted with me. “You don’t know how you’re going to move to Minnesota?” she said. “You put your stuff in your car and you just drive.”

I laughed at her. “Just drive? With nowhere to live, nowhere to work - ?”

“Yes,” she replied with absolute certainty. “You don’t get chances at love when they are convenient to you. You have a chance to be happy and you have to grab it. You put your stuff in your car and you just drive.”

I couldn’t believe it when I found myself doing just that. Everything I owned was in my little car. I had no job. I had no home. I had no money. And I just drove. Sharon reminded me that life has a way of working itself out. We can’t be afraid to take a chance. Sometimes we have to make a blind leap and trust that there will be someone there who won’t let us fall.

Words can’t express the gratitude I feel for Sharon. There is no doubt in my mind that without her I would not be with Eric today. I would have never been married and I would have never had Sam or Matilda. I wouldn’t have had the last seven years. When I look back I can say I have been truly happy.

God has a way of giving us what we need when we don’t know we need it. I was given a true friend – a foul-mouthed, hilarious, middle-aged, completely selfless guardian angel.