Black Friday

This is not timely and only slightly topical but this is my blog and I can do what I want.

A few years ago Jackie and I were really on the ball with our Christmas lists. We decided to go in on all of our presents together. We carefully planned and budgeted and knew exactly what we were looking for. That Thanksgiving we flipped through the Black Friday ads and were excited to find several items on our list. We hadn't done Black Friday shopping before but these deals were just too good to pass up.

At 4:30 am the next day we were standing in a line of people in the Herberger's parking lot. The people around us were cheerful and employees were going down the line handing out maps for the big deals. Jackie and I split up our list. When the doors opened, she was to go left to the comforters. I was to go right and up the escalators for a digital picture frame.

Finally - it was time. We didn't even look at each other as we split up. I joined a pack of people going up the escalator and pushed my way to the table with the digital frames. I couldn't believe it when I saw the table was empty after the store having been open for 35 seconds. I was jostled to the side and saw there was ONE last frame hidden behind the sign on the table. I threw myself sideways, landing on my side on the table, and grabbed the box the very second before two other women snatched at it. I heard both of them say something very un-Christmas like as I clutched the box to my chest and pushed back toward the escalators.

Looking down on the store I saw a huge mass of people surrounding the largest pile of boxes I've ever seen. There were hundreds of boxes, covering an entire section of the store, piled seven or eight high. The boxes were full of comforters of all colors and sizes. People were climbing over each other, trying in the confusion to find the one they were looking for.

I wormed my way through racks and got as close to the pile as I could. I spotted Jackie. She had been one of the first people to the comforters and now she was stuck. She was pressed up against the boxes with both arms up. Her head was turned to the side and our eyes met.

Now, it was chaotic in the store, but it wasn't particularly loud. It wasn't necessary for me to scream at the top of my lungs. I was caught up in the drama and couldn't help myself.

"JAAAAACKIEEEEEE!" I screamed with my head tipped back. People around me jumped and one woman fell into the boxes. Jackie burst out laughing and I saw her knees start to buckle under her. The only thing keeping her upright was the force of the crowd behind her pinning her to the boxes.

"NO!" I screamed, pointing at her. "No, there is NO TIME! Do you want me to come in??"

Laughing so hard she could hardly speak Jackie said to the woman next to her, "I can't stop laughing but my sister says there is no time!"

Eventually one little midwestern woman in the crowd had had enough. She CLIMBED to the top of the pile and began pulling out comforters. She read the colors and sizes like a quarterback before then blindly throwing them back over her head. "Navy blue...king!" she'd shout and it would come soaring down. "Lavender...twin!" People alternately ducked or dove for it. (I desperately want to find that woman and make her my best friend.)

Jackie finally got what she wanted but was still pinned to the pile. By this point there was a wall of people behind her about 20 deep. She again turned to the woman next to her. "I'm never getting out," she said.

That woman, all 5 feet and 100 pounds of her, took it upon herself to get Jackie out. She assumed a wide stance, arms out to the sides, and shouldered and shoved a path. I was there when Jackie finally emerged, hair matted to one side and still laughing. She turned to thank the woman but she had already been swallowed back into the crowd. "Godspeed, soldier," I thought to myself.

Jackie and I haven't done Black Friday shopping since. We've blamed it on work or budgets - but deep down I know we're both afraid the next time we won't make it out alive.