Black Ice

Oh, what I do for my kids.

I am terrified - TERRIFIED - of driving in snow. I'm scared of driving when it's 70 and sunny so it's no wonder that low visibility and sliding tires just about do me in. I think at least half of my fear is justified. No one wants to slide off a road or through an intersection. I am, however, well aware that my refusal to leave the house when it snows is not normal. I don't care where I'm supposed to be - if the morning news shows even whisper "slick" I'm not leaving.

(The one exception being when my nephew Sean was born. It was during a horrible snow storm and I got the call that he was just about ready to arrive and Amy was asking for me. I still can't believe I got to the hospital - it was the type of storm where there was no telling where the roads ended and sidewalks began. But I did it and I was there when Sean was born! It was worth 100 miles of slippery roads.)

This morning I walked past the front windows and saw snow on the street. "I'm not leaving," I immediately told myself. I then started an internal struggle with myself. Sam only has school two days a week so I hate for him to have to miss a day. Plus I know it drives Eric absolutely crazy when I refuse to drive. But, I argued with myself, 2 hours of preschool is hardly worth chancing an accident over. I went on the local news website and saw that there were delays and closings. I was convinced I should stay home. I looked closer and saw the delays and closings were in Iowa. I was again on the fence.

Sam told me he didn't want to go to school. When I asked why, he said because it is too cold outside. It IS too cold outside - I don't blame him for not wanting to be out - but I couldn't help but worry that my fears are rubbing off on him. I don't want my kids to feel crippled by fear for any number of reasons (snow, stoplights, bridges, water, horses, needles...seriously, I need help).

I wrestled the kids into their snowsuits. I had to gun it out of the garage to plow through the pile at the end of my driveway. I crept along, braking well ahead of stoplights, and left a distance between myself and the car in front of me. I got Sam to school with no incident and Matilda and I are now safely home.

Now I can just sit back and shake in terror until it's time to go pick him up.

Sam the Photographer

Sam got a digital camera from Grandma Barb (Bay) and Grandpa Doug (Dog) for Christmas. It's one that is made for kids. He LOVES it. We never let him use ours for long and we're of course hovering as he uses it. He can't believe that he can wander around with his camera and do whatever he likes. It's one of his new favorite things.

I am Sam's mom which means I think that everything he does is amazing. Some of his pictures make me laugh out loud and some I find kind of touching. I wanted to post them here but I couldn't decide which ones to choose. Also seeing all of them together is part of what makes them funny. Therefore, you are all welcome to visit Photos By Sam to see his work. I want so badly to explain and discuss them but I won't. I'm taking a step back (one of my goals!) and allowing his art to speak for itself.

I can't wait for his first gallery opening.

Dueling Instincts

I am a poor sport. I do not like to compete and I hate to lose. I can't play a simple board game without becoming genuinely riled up and angry. One of the biggest fights in our marriage came during a game of Scrabble between me and Eric. (That is not a joke. We didn't speak for days.)

I was also born with an intense maternal instinct. I have always been a bit of a mama bear to my friends. I am very in tune with my kids. When Sam was a few months old I knew he was going to spit up five seconds before he did. I am their biggest supporter and there is nothing on Earth that could stop me from saving them if they ever needed me.

One of our many awesome Christmas presents came from Papa and Grandma Susan - a Wii. Eric and Sam have been playing with it a lot. I haven't had as much time with it so yesterday Eric kept Matilda upstairs so Sam and I could play. Sam chose boxing.

We stood side by side, holding our controllers, staring at ourselves in Wii form on the TV. The bell rang and we started punching. In the middle of the first round I knocked Wii Sam down. His little character was on the mat as mine danced around over him. It made my stomach twist. "Sam, I don't think I like this," I said. "This makes me really sad."

"Sad?" he said.

"I don't like hurting Sam, even when it's pretend," I said.

Wii Sam got up and the bell rang again. Wanting to keep playing with my son I started punching. We went another round before Wii Sam knocked Wii Emilie down. It was like a switch went off in my brain. When Wii Emilie got up I was ready.

Sam and I punched and jabbed. I was sweating and Sam was laughing. "You still sad, Mama?" he asked. I didn't reply. All I could hear was the voice in my head screaming, "Finish him. FINISH HIM!"

I won by a knockout in the final round. Sorry, maternal instinct...it looks like my need to win is just too strong.

Happy New Year!

I'm looking forward to 2010. Good old 2009 will always have a place in my heart as The Best Year Of My Life but one must always look ahead. I don't see any reason why 2010 won't be just as good (talk about jinxing myself!).

I have a lot of goals for our little family in the coming year. Goals - not resolutions. Remember that I don't do well if I HAVE to do something even if I'm the one saying it. (Perhaps I could add therapy to my list of goals.) It's amazing how positivity breeds positivity. I'm totally happy and it inspires me to make everything even better.

God is good.

Sam the Philosopher

Last night Eric and Sam played with Sam's new assortment of Cars toys. He has a bunch of the race cars, the fire truck (Red), and Lightning McQueen's semi, Mack.

Mack is made to house several of the race cars. Last night Eric tried to get Red in there, too. It's about an inch taller than the other cars and he couldn't get it to fit. "Sorry, Sam," Eric said. "I guess Red is too big."

"Or," Sam countered, "Are all the rest of them too small?"

Recovery

We had a quiet day yesterday and it was wonderful. I'm trying to do the same today. We are back on schedule, eating healthy food, and spending quiet time together. Even with all my efforts we're still kind of dragging. We can't go an entire month feeling like this:

...and expect to feel normal right away.

Thanks to Uncle Andy for getting this picture. It really captures the elated hysteria we have all felt for the last few weeks.

Christmas

The Best Christmas Ever is officially over.

Yesterday we had our final celebration. It ended nearly 14 straight days of food and presents. Oh, the presents. I don't know what happened this year. The stars aligned in such a way that determined that the Dailey family was going to receive every last thing on our wish lists. We are deeply grateful - and more than a little excited about our new toys - but I am feeling overwhelmed. "Gluttony" has run through my mind more than once.

I am truly looking forward to taking down our decorations. I need my house back. Last month as we strung garland and decorated the tree I didn't think I'd ever want to take it all down. Today I'm tempted to just release a fireball through my living room in an attempt to empty it out.

My kids need our lives back, too. It's all too much. If I could make it so we just celebrate on one day - Christmas (what a concept!) - I don't think it would be so overwhelming. But the fact of the matter is that we are part of a big, ever-changing, growing network of families. We are lucky to be so overscheduled in December.

Eric has to go back to work today (booo). I have to clean and run to Target. Things are getting back to normal. We are slowing down, taking a few breaths, and resuming our happy little life.

Merry Christmas, friends.

We're Still Here!

We are having the best Christmas ever. We've celebrated twice and have two more to go. Our days are full of food, family, and playing games. Eric works today and tomorrow and then is off for the four-day weekend. We're all SO excited about the presents under our tree.

Speaking of presents, I'm off to wrap the pile of gifts I got for Eric last night!

Artists

I bought a kid's easel off of Craigslist when Sam was just a few months old. Eric thought I was off my rocker (we now know that I actually was) but went and picked it up. It's been more or less in storage since then. Now that I have started on a playroom for the kids I had the space to get it out. The kids LOVE it.

(Matilda seems to understand this is a trough and keeps trying to eat the chalk out of it.)

Black Friday

This is not timely and only slightly topical but this is my blog and I can do what I want.

A few years ago Jackie and I were really on the ball with our Christmas lists. We decided to go in on all of our presents together. We carefully planned and budgeted and knew exactly what we were looking for. That Thanksgiving we flipped through the Black Friday ads and were excited to find several items on our list. We hadn't done Black Friday shopping before but these deals were just too good to pass up.

At 4:30 am the next day we were standing in a line of people in the Herberger's parking lot. The people around us were cheerful and employees were going down the line handing out maps for the big deals. Jackie and I split up our list. When the doors opened, she was to go left to the comforters. I was to go right and up the escalators for a digital picture frame.

Finally - it was time. We didn't even look at each other as we split up. I joined a pack of people going up the escalator and pushed my way to the table with the digital frames. I couldn't believe it when I saw the table was empty after the store having been open for 35 seconds. I was jostled to the side and saw there was ONE last frame hidden behind the sign on the table. I threw myself sideways, landing on my side on the table, and grabbed the box the very second before two other women snatched at it. I heard both of them say something very un-Christmas like as I clutched the box to my chest and pushed back toward the escalators.

Looking down on the store I saw a huge mass of people surrounding the largest pile of boxes I've ever seen. There were hundreds of boxes, covering an entire section of the store, piled seven or eight high. The boxes were full of comforters of all colors and sizes. People were climbing over each other, trying in the confusion to find the one they were looking for.

I wormed my way through racks and got as close to the pile as I could. I spotted Jackie. She had been one of the first people to the comforters and now she was stuck. She was pressed up against the boxes with both arms up. Her head was turned to the side and our eyes met.

Now, it was chaotic in the store, but it wasn't particularly loud. It wasn't necessary for me to scream at the top of my lungs. I was caught up in the drama and couldn't help myself.

"JAAAAACKIEEEEEE!" I screamed with my head tipped back. People around me jumped and one woman fell into the boxes. Jackie burst out laughing and I saw her knees start to buckle under her. The only thing keeping her upright was the force of the crowd behind her pinning her to the boxes.

"NO!" I screamed, pointing at her. "No, there is NO TIME! Do you want me to come in??"

Laughing so hard she could hardly speak Jackie said to the woman next to her, "I can't stop laughing but my sister says there is no time!"

Eventually one little midwestern woman in the crowd had had enough. She CLIMBED to the top of the pile and began pulling out comforters. She read the colors and sizes like a quarterback before then blindly throwing them back over her head. "Navy blue...king!" she'd shout and it would come soaring down. "Lavender...twin!" People alternately ducked or dove for it. (I desperately want to find that woman and make her my best friend.)

Jackie finally got what she wanted but was still pinned to the pile. By this point there was a wall of people behind her about 20 deep. She again turned to the woman next to her. "I'm never getting out," she said.

That woman, all 5 feet and 100 pounds of her, took it upon herself to get Jackie out. She assumed a wide stance, arms out to the sides, and shouldered and shoved a path. I was there when Jackie finally emerged, hair matted to one side and still laughing. She turned to thank the woman but she had already been swallowed back into the crowd. "Godspeed, soldier," I thought to myself.

Jackie and I haven't done Black Friday shopping since. We've blamed it on work or budgets - but deep down I know we're both afraid the next time we won't make it out alive.